My Beach of a Life-mixed emotions

I love the Ocean, the sound of the waves crashing, smell of salt hair, sand on my feet... seashells all around. Looking out onto the never ending horizon always memorized me. Having a bad day or just trying to find an answer i was always guided by the ocean. it heals my wounds and soothes my soul. Growing up in the saltwater of Charleston always on the boat or the beach. Free spirited, child like innocents..not afraid. The ocean never judged me. It never let me down. It never broke my heart. It washed away all tears. It sang to me when i was blue. Refreshed. Never have i ever moved on from it grasps. At 14 when i got the urge to be a surfer, is when it all began. Contest,boards, surfing before school aferschool(sometimes during school)...coming into work salty and sandy and still wet! surfing was always on the mind. the ocean blossomed me. Hearing of waves all day and sunshine year round i dashed-costa rica on the mind. people ask "what made you go there" nothing made me go there i was MADE to go there. oh the experiences the cultures the food, rastas, jungles, rains, monkeys dancing in the trees, palms swaying in the breeze. i saw love, touched love, felt loved. The smell of ylang ylang bllloming in the air, coconut water....bohemians fire dancers electo music dancing in the sand,e like minded people intreged me. For i thought i was the only one. reggae moves me and them too. the ocean moves me and them too. we all dance to the same rythim there. I had found MY path. On the oh so many paths of life. I remember saying i had found my path!! i had found the love! but i had the love all along. Love comes within you! Your surroundings bring it out! i sit here back in chs wondering why i moved back. I got a family now and baby now. Still unsure of my destiny....looking for a career in skin care...skin care..skin care...surfing sun? how did that ever happen? what am i doing what can i do...what are my goals...is now the time to find them? so many questions, i need a quick trip to the beach......solitude.